The Setup:  Along the upper terrace which goes the width of the house,  we have a section of ‘doggie turf”.   The doggie turf is a layer of heavy plastic sheeting covered with a layer of outdoor grasslike carpet.  Thus, Crazy Dog can be let out in the semi-open when neither of her human buddies  has what it takes to toddle down the stairs and let her out the back on the real greenbelt…which is often on a cool morning or even more often when it’s over a hundred degrees.  

Every couple of months, the doggie patch requires cleaning with a power hose.  This job I could complete without assistance, except the outdoor water spigot is, of course, on the downstairs veranda.  Thus, I need my special person to throw the power hose up to me and turn  the water full blast on once I have the hose pointed in a safe direction…and I need him available to turn the water off when I’m finished.

Without someone to turn the water off, I would be required to close the power valve on the hose (otherwise the nozzel would spin wildly), run (barefoot and in my underwear) the length of the upstairs, go down the stairs, reverse and run the length of the house again through the living room, dining room, and kitchen….then going out the kitchen door, then I’d have to reverse field once again on the lower veranda and run the length of the house again, step into the fountain enclosure, find the spigot, and twist it off.  

That is, if I didn’t slip and kill myself in route as all floors are tile and I would be barefoot with a tinge of soap left on my soles.  Meanwhile, of course, the expensive power hose and nozzle would have exploded.

On the particular day of this incident, my special person had coordinated with me on the first two aid requirements—tossing up the hose and turning the water on.  I am now out on the terrace pouring cleansers and power-washing like crazy….  When my special person sticks his head out the French doors to inform me he’s taking off to run an errand.

“You’re going to do what?…”   I exclaim, as if he’d just told me he was off to climb Mt. Everest in a bikini and taking Crazy Dog with him.  Alas!  I can’t believe he’s thinking about his life and what he needs to get done and not MY life and I have to get done.  I heave one of those I-can’t-believe-you-can-even-say-something-so-thoughtless…sighs….Then I elaborated on what would happen if I was left to finish alone….Reciting with great importance the above paragraph beginning with ‘Without someone to turn the water off….ending with the explosion.

Twenty minutes later, I finish the cleaning  job and open the French doors calling for my special person:  “Honey, I’m done…. Honey?….I’m ready for you to turn the water off….Honey?….Honey?…..Honey!…Hey!…Need some help here!  Help!  I need help here!”

No one answers.

Tune in for the next episode of  “As the Nozzel Turns” and watch the Emotional Guidance System go crazy….