How to Be Annoying, Part 1MysteryShrink

On Being Annoying, Part 1

One of the funny elements about complaining as a way of managing anxiety…is that when someone points out we’re complaining or being negative, we actually DENY we’re complaining at all. I mean, that’s funny. We people are funny.

*Woman A: “The way the seating is arranged in this restaurant is really stupid.”

*Woman B: “There you go, complaining.”

*Woman A: “No I’m not. I just think they could do what they are doing better.”

**Man: “I bet your sister is going to bring that slimy carrot and orange Jello salad, again.”

**Woman: “There you go, being negative before we even get there.”

**Man: “I’m not being negative, I just making the observation that your sister has brought the same disgusting salad to every meal since I’ve been in the family.”

Or my personal favorite ‘gripe and deny’ method—

***Woman: “I can’t believe you wore that to the party.”

***Man: “There you go, being negative.”

***Woman: “No, I’m not. I’m just trying to help.”

Variations on the Complaining Re-direct include:

Person A: “There you go being negative.”

The ‘Popeye Response’: “I y’am the way I y’am.” or, The Competitive Complaining Response: “You’re the one keeping me awake last night going on about your sister.”

Part Two on Complaining as a way of Annoying People … will give you the chance to determine your dominant complaining method. For now, let’s understand how negative remarks change our lives. Remember we people are not just funny, we are predictable. We move toward positive experiences; we move away from punishing experiences.

Let’s say each of us is surrounded by a bubble of atoms or air we’ll call our atmosphere. Our ‘atmosphere’ often overlaps with others so that we have sort of a couple or a group ‘atmosphere’. Each word and expression has a plus or minus quality that jiggles the atoms either in a ‘feel better’ way or a ‘feel worse’ way. Or, think of the ‘atmosphere’ as having a plus or minus rating on a graph, such as the kind used to follow the ups and downs of a stock. Every expression, every word, ticks the line on the graph up or down…sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

This means, as we study the art of negativity further, we can choose how to affect the systems of which we are a part. Our Emotional Guidance System, however, does not agree. That wimpy tyrant exaggerates the influence of others… “You made me depressed, angry, and complaining.” And minimizes personal choice…. “After he complained about me, I did what I had to do. I drove my motor cycle into a ditch.”

Note: Okay, I hear you five star complainers out there already saying: “But whyis the ambience, the ‘feel’ of my relationship altered just because I point out a problem?…It shouldn’t be….He should be tougher….No one should be bothered by what I say….Oh, and you shouldn’t be correcting me. You should be paying more attention to your own negative behavior.” …….All of which is COMPLAINING, by the way.