Category Archives: Focus on the Person You Can Change

Body Scan Clearance Event! End Holiday Stress.

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Best of Mysteryshrink.

Dateline: The North Austin Medical Center International Branch Office. Everyone’s here.

Not wanting you to miss a giggle, as I recover (been two and a half weeks, so recovery’s still a far away dream), I’m sending Christmas Cheer from Christamas Past.   Yeah, still, with all that’s going on, you gotta giggle to make Christamas work.

Scuse me. Must pause for ten minute fit of death-arousing coughing.

Here ya go in three parts.

Clearance Sale. Body Scans for Everyone on Your List!

How Much Would You Pay for a Photo of a Woman Changing Clothes at Target?

If you named a figure, you haven’t spent much time checking out the bodies of me and my fellow shoppers roaming the aisles at Target.

Timing is everything when it comes to cashing in on windfalls. Remember the infamous military pilots association Tailhook Convention at one of the major Las Vegas hotels? Probably not. You don’t remember…because being a much nicer person than I am….You didn’t immediately start searching the globe for a similar convention where you could “accidentally” show up and hang out in the hall in your seductively trimmed Snuggy.

I’d set my sights on winning the lottery, but I can’t keep up with the rules. Thus, my fortune must come from another clever ploy….When I read about the woman in the hallway where the Tailhook conventioneers loaded up on booze started in inventing party games…the woman who claimed someone had shaved her legs…was awarded several million dollars from the hotel to assuage her wounded sense of self…and quiet any further mention of the hotel’s name….

You see where we’re headed here. Yes, I’m hawking full body scans from my various airport security adventures. The best value will be the boxed set. The premium box set includes Scans Around the World and Psychologists Go Wild.

Apparently, “the world some of us are responding to” has in it hordes of Transportation Safety officers thirsting to drool at shiny outlines of travelers at the rate of hundreds per hour….See above comment regarding the erotic potential of me and my Target friends…those porn-crazy body scan voyeurs…are bad enough. But then for people like my special person whose torso contains a medical device…there are those super-bad TSA perverts falling all over themselves to pat him and other similar bodies past their prime.

Hey, what a way to save money in the federal budget. There must be tens of thousands of people who’d pay to have these fantastic, exciting, and indeed exotic jobs. So, no more salaries.

And that’s just the beginning of how the feds can reduce the deficit. If you’ve been on a cruise, you are familiar with the “boarding photograph” tradition. A professional photographer takes a shot of you on the stairs giving a movie-star wave. These photos are displayed for purchase on the wall of the ship opening to the dining room. Yes. Now you see the potential. TSA officers can display two or three hundred body scans a day for sale on the walls of the airport….The money will be pouring into Washington, D.C.

I’m picturing bidding wars here.

What I’m really picturing is myself at fourteen being driven by my mother to my first gynecologist appointment. I’m nervous, of course. Until my mother asked me a question landing me back in reality. “Barbara, do you have any surprises for the doctor?”
“No.” “Then I don’t see you have much to worry about.”

Today’s paper is loaded with stories of people so worried about body scanning and pat-downs they are considering canceling their Christmas plans. That would be sad. Why not have two security lines? One is for those of us who have no surprises for
the security personnel and don’t mind the scanning or the patting-down, and a
second line for those folks “terrified” of the process. And, oh yes, two planes. One for those people who feel “invaded”, allowing them to fly with other people who didn’t want to be scanned or patted. The other plane will be for those of us who’d prefer to travel with people who have gone through security.

My body scans from upcoming flights will be made available for purchase. Better yet, your copy will be free…just pay shipping and handling. Larger versions suitable for framing will be available on that table in Walgreens offering for sale all the items advertised on television as not available in stores.

I know. I promised the tale of the man who moved a mountain to prove he was right. Still to come. I just had to dive into the body scan-pat down hysteria. So mañana….Part Two. Sunburned Chap in the Fishing Hat.

 

How Much Would You Pay for a Photo of a

Woman Changing Clothes at Target?

If you named a figure, you haven’t spent much time checking out
the bodies of me and my fellow shoppers roaming the aisles at Target.

Timing is everything when it comes to cashing in on windfalls. Remember
the infamous military pilots association Tailhook Convention at one of the
major Las Vegas hotels? Probably not. You don’t remember…because being a much
nicer person than I am….You didn’t immediately start searching the globe for a
similar convention where you could “accidentally” show up and hang
out in the hall in your seductive cut-up Snuggy.

I’d set my sights on winning the lottery, but I can’t keep up
with the rules. Thus, my fortune must come from another clever ploy….When I
read about the woman in the hallway where the Tailhook conventioneers loaded up
on booze started in inventing party games…the woman who
claimed someone had shaved her legs…was awarded several million dollars from the hotel to
assuage her wounded sense of self…and quiet any further mention of the hotel’s
name….

You see where we’re headed here. Yes, I’m hawking full body scans
from my various airport security adventures. The best value will be the boxed set. The premium box set includes Scans Around the World and Psychologists Go
Wild.

Apparently, “the world some of us are responding to” has in it
hordes of Transportation Safety officers thirsting to drool at shiny outlines
of travelers at the rate of hundreds per hour….See above comment about
regarding erotic potential of me and my Target friends…those porn-crazy body
scan voyeurs…are bad enough. But then for people like my special person whose
torso contains a medical device…there are those super-bad TSA perverts falling
all over themselves to pat him and other bodies past their prime.

Hey, what a way to save money in the federal budget. There must
be tens of thousands of people who’d pay to have these fantastic, exciting, and
indeed exotic jobs. So, no more salaries.

And that’s just the beginning of how the feds can reduce the
deficit. If you’ve been on a cruise, you are familiar with the “boarding
photograph” tradition. A professional photographer takes a shot of you on the
stairs giving a movie-star wave. These photos are displayed for purchase on the
wall of the ship opening to the dining room. Yes. Now you see the potential.
TSA officers can display two or three hundred body scans a day for sale on the
walls of the airport….The money will be pouring into Washington, D.C.

I’m picturing bidding wars here.

What I’m really picturing is myself at fourteen being driven by
my mother to my first gynecologist appointment. I’m nervous, of course. Until
my mother asked me a question landing me back in reality. “Barbara, do you have any surprises for the doctor?”
“No.” “Then I don’t see you have much to worry about.”

Today’s paper is loaded with stories of people so worried about
body scanning and pat-downs they are considering canceling their Christmas
plans. That would be sad. Why not have two security lines? One is for those of
us who have no surprises for
the security personnel and don’t mind the scanning or the patting-down, and a
second line for those folks “terrified” of the process. And, oh yes, two
planes. One for those people who feel “invaded”, allowing them to fly with
other people who didn’t want to be scanned or patted. The other plane will be
for those of us who’d prefer to travel with people who have gone through
security.

My body scans from upcoming flights will be made available for
purchase. Better yet, your copy will be free…just pay shipping and handling.
Larger versions suitable for framing will be available on that table in
Walgreens offering for sale all the items advertised on television as not
available in stores.

I know. I promised the tale of the man who moved a mountain to
prove he was right. Still to come. I just had to dive into the body scan-pat
down hysteria. So mañana….Part Two. Sunburned
Chap in the Fishing Hat.

 

How Much Would You Pay for a Photo of a
Woman Changing Clothes at Target?

If you named a figure, you haven’t spent much time checking out
the bodies of me and my fellow shoppers roaming the aisles at Target.

Timing is everything when it comes to cashing in on windfalls. Remember
the infamous military pilots association Tailhook Convention at one of the
major Las Vegas hotels? Probably not. You don’t remember…because being a much
nicer person than I am….You didn’t immediately start searching the globe for a
similar convention where you could “accidentally” show up and hang
out in the hall in your seductive cut-up Snuggy.

I’d set my sights on winning the lottery, but I can’t keep up
with the rules. Thus, my fortune must come from another clever ploy….When I
read about the woman in the hallway where the Tailhook conventioneers loaded up
on booze started in inventing party games…the woman who
claimed someone had shaved her legs…was awarded several million dollars from the hotel to
assuage her wounded sense of self…and quiet any further mention of the hotel’s
name….

You see where we’re headed here. Yes, I’m hawking full body scans
from my various airport security adventures. The best value will be the boxed set. The premium box set includes Scans Around the World and Psychologists Go
Wild.

Apparently, “the world some of us are responding to” has in it
hordes of Transportation Safety officers thirsting to drool at shiny outlines
of travelers at the rate of hundreds per hour….See above comment about
regarding erotic potential of me and my Target friends…those porn-crazy body
scan voyeurs…are bad enough. But then for people like my special person whose
torso contains a medical device…there are those super-bad TSA perverts falling
all over themselves to pat him and other bodies past their prime.

Hey, what a way to save money in the federal budget. There must
be tens of thousands of people who’d pay to have these fantastic, exciting, and
indeed exotic jobs. So, no more salaries.

And that’s just the beginning of how the feds can reduce the
deficit. If you’ve been on a cruise, you are familiar with the “boarding
photograph” tradition. A professional photographer takes a shot of you on the
stairs giving a movie-star wave. These photos are displayed for purchase on the
wall of the ship opening to the dining room. Yes. Now you see the potential.
TSA officers can display two or three hundred body scans a day for sale on the
walls of the airport….The money will be pouring into Washington, D.C.

I’m picturing bidding wars here.

What I’m really picturing is myself at fourteen being driven by
my mother to my first gynecologist appointment. I’m nervous, of course. Until
my mother asked me a question landing me back in reality. “Barbara, do you have any surprises for the doctor?”
“No.” “Then I don’t see you have much to worry about.”

Today’s paper is loaded with stories of people so worried about
body scanning and pat-downs they are considering canceling their Christmas
plans. That would be sad. Why not have two security lines? One is for those of
us who have no surprises for
the security personnel and don’t mind the scanning or the patting-down, and a
second line for those folks “terrified” of the process. And, oh yes, two
planes. One for those people who feel “invaded”, allowing them to fly with
other people who didn’t want to be scanned or patted. The other plane will be
for those of us who’d prefer to travel with people who have gone through
security.

My body scans from upcoming flights will be made available for
purchase. Better yet, your copy will be free…just pay shipping and handling.
Larger versions suitable for framing will be available on that table in
Walgreens offering for sale all the items advertised on television as not
available in stores.

I know. I promised the tale of the man who moved a mountain to
prove he was right. Still to come. I just had to dive into the body scan-pat
down hysteria. So mañana….Part Two. Sunburned
Chap in the Fishing Hat.

Reduce Stress Instantly, The Flying Lawn Chair Incident

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Stress. The Flying Lawn Chair Incident. How to Save Time Instantly.

Dateline: DFW Airport International Branch Headquarters, chair in the corner, face to the wall.

First, I’d like to apologize to those unfortunate passengers on flights with me this weekend. If you are thinking, “Maybe I was on a plane with her and I didn’t know it,” you were not. If you recall a short blond woman, her agonized face mashed into the window, who seemed determined to cough up her lungs, or heard one side of the 737 you were in crackle and thunder, just maybe you were. I’m very, very sorry.

Want to save yourself a lot of stress and lower your personal “annoying-to-others” score? It’s really not that tough. Technically. Technically, like jumping rope for five minutes a day can change your life—technically.

To save time and stress, all you have to do is pass out a little permission and decide:

Other people get to do what they do. They do not require my agreement. My opinion is not important, nor does it make any sense for me to insist on telling people what I think of what other people do. To comment takes time and it’s annoying, except to those very few godlike beings who agree with everything I think about people who aren’t like us. Okay, enough with the sermon.

The following account is true. A retired weatherman had an idea how he could make use of several weather balloons cluttering up his garage and change the face of aviation as we know it. First he tied four balloons to an aluminum and plastic weave lawn chair. Next he strapped himself in. Then he popped the launch cords on the balloons. Ten . . . nine . . . eight . . . . three . . . two . . . one . . . LIFT OFF!

Yeah, baby. We are flying now. Mostly we are tumbling end-over-end through the first ten thousand feet. “Oh, what a beautiful blue sky–whoa, there’s my house! Oh, what a beautiful blue sky–whoa, there’s Chicago!” The view went from spectacular to, well, nauseating. But the Man Who Launched His Lawn Chair (MWLLC) was having a ball. Airport radars spotted an unidentified blip on their radar screens. News syndicates were alerted. Planes were diverted. Non-believers were converted. (Sorry, like the MWLLC, I couldn’t stop myself.)

The MWLLC’s wife wrung her hands, though when reporters asked her if she was surprised at her husband’s antics, she admitted such projects on slow summer afternoons were nothing new for her husband. She also admitted the MWLLC had stopped telling her his plans since she’d taken to calling the police and asking the procedures for getting a spouse committed.

What’s the point of this tale? As you read, did any part of you think…What kind of crazy person does something like that?

To instantly reduce stress, let go and let other people have fun. Enjoy their enjoying. You’d think we’d all be savvy on this strategy, but such is not the case. At least not for me and, unless you are Dr. L from the radio who makes no wrong moves, like me, you fall into the boring trap of questioning why other people enjoy activities and possessions you do not. And, if you are like me, when you ask this question, your tone informs listeners that, unlike myself, people are crazy and not as wise as I am if they:

Get up at 2 a.m. on Black Friday. Deep fry their turkey. Don’t deep fry their turkey. Salt their food before tasting it. Buy expensive cars. Spank their kids. Don’t spank their kids. Put up an artificial tree. Spend a day finding a real tree. Watch that stupid television show. Enjoy mincemeat pie. Watch NASCAR, golf, basketball, baseball, fake-real television families, or prison shows. Try to buy love by giving expensive Christmas presents. Are too cheap to give expensive Christmas presents. Are foolish enough to take out a second mortgage to send their child to private college. Are selfish enough to refuse to take out a second mortgage to send their child to private college.

You’ve got the picture. I know. Ouch. Ouch. Guilty. Guilty. One of the elements of psychology that continuously amazes me is how hard and complicated something as simple as enjoying the moment really is.

About the promised Triple Stuffed Turkey Recipe? Next year when I can breathe like a normal person again. Coming: Unique Gifts Only You Can Give.

Stress. Perception and “The Case of the Well-Shaved Woman”

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Stress and Anxiety at the Pool

Dateline: San Antonio MiTierra International Branch Office. Home of most beautiful bar and an incredible bakery. Working with mariachis and tacos. Life is good.

The paper this morning had a letter from a woman who was appalled, very appalled. Appalled enough to take some serious action.  Those of us in Texas have suffered a drought over the summer leading to watering restrictions of various sorts and lots of conversation.

The Appalled Lady (AL) was writing to inform the city of a natural resources problem that, perhaps, the rest of us didn’t know about. Austin, Texas is the home of a fabulous natural swimming area amid the granite—Barton Springs. AL happened to be in the showers at Barton Springs when she spotted the . . . Degenerate Water Wasters (DWWs).

AP was actually on her way home when the dastardly deed was thrown in her face. Well, not exactly “thrown.”  Okay, to be honest, AP only overheard the crimes committed against humanity.

As AP reported, one woman took seven minutes shaving her legs in the shower.  Another woman flushed twice. Something must e done!

What we pay attention to in our world, can make life lovely or just kind of constantly irritating. But, you say, while it’s true that a person can change her interpretation of what she sees, but not what she sees. Actually you can. What you “see” is a reflection of your thoughts, the mindset you bring to the situation.

This can get scary in a hurry when it comes to family and marriage. What happens if you decide your spouse is lazy?  A control freak?  Not as smart as you?  Isn’t capable of love? Is selfish?  Who will be the person who sits down to supper across the table from you?  Which characteristics of your spouse are likely to grow?

What happens if you decide a family member is hopeless?  A political nut?  Pushy? A loser? Stuck up? What happens when you sit down to Thanksgiving dinner surrounded by these troublesome people?

What happens if Appalled Lady isn’t looking for Degenerate Water Wasters?  What happens if she notices the culprits, then decides to pay attention trying to remember the lyrics of Delta Dawn as she shares her passion as a shower singer?

Stress and the Man-Woman Thing

One study had college females pass out exams to large auditoriums of graduate students. Each participant first took a test that showed the female’s level of comfort with men. After she had handed out the exams, the researcher simply asked her to
estimate the percentage of men and women in the class. The young women who were
fearful of men or thought that men were mysterious and very different from women regularly over-estimated the number of men in the class.

Yeah, yeah. I get it. I realize that by pointing out the Appalled Woman…I’m put her in my world when I didn’t have to pay attention.

Next: The Man Who Tried to Train the Gardener.

Word to Dr. Drew: Don’t think you have to run the line, “Do Not Do This At Home” when showing the acrobats of Cirque Cirque du Soleil.  I’m pretty sure we’d figure that out 25 seconds into our plan to practice for a big show tryout.

Stress, Addiction, Humility, and the “Stolen Identity Incident”

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Stress, Addiction, and the “Stolen Identity Incident”

Dateline: San Antonio River Walk International Branch Office. One block over, on March 6, 1836, all the well-armed and well-dressed Mexicans in the world, stormed the Alamo killing everyone inside.  Newspapers in the weeks following ran stories encouraging settlers to “Come on down!” As one of those news articles in the Texas State Library says, “Texas is still a great opportunity for you and your family. The report claiming that the men in the Alamo were killed is a false rumor, propaganda sent out by politicians.”  Sigh. Things haven’t changed much.

In thinking about stress management and addiction, I realized it was time for the periodic pledge, the pledge that can eliminate loads of stress right off the top.

The pledge: I can be as big an idiot as anyone else. Even as big an idiot as the people I’m calling idiots. Whew. What a relief not to have to go through the world upset when people don’t do things the way I do, or more honestly, the way I think they should do them.

My special person and I were married in Mexico City and before you pull up lofty visions of the “destination” weddings where the couple or parents rent a hotel for a weekend and fly in two hundred of their closest friends to Paris or Tahiti, the event included the Registro Civil, the two of us, and the taxi driver as a witness.  He was a graduate student and I was a college junior though not the typical age of that group due to several spectacular detours.

In other words. We had no money. Before our big adventure,we embraced our American citizenship and took out a Mastercard. The trip was great, Acapulco, villages, historicalcities. A good time was had by all. The trouble started when we received our Mastercard bill which was a huge amount way beyond our own frugal spending.Clearly, the credit card number had been stolen and whoever took it charged everythingin sight knowing once they were caught the party was over.

Incensed, we marched down to the bank issuing the card and met with the head of the fraud department who was very sympathetic and assured us the bank would help find the culprit. All we had to do was sit down at the computer screen and review the charges marking the ones we did not make. Much relieved we set to work. Thirty minutes later we waited until the fraud director was away from her desk, then we ducked our heads and sneaked quietly to the elevator and out of there.

Repeat after me: “I can be as big an idiot…”

For those who honestly believe they are not subject to all the craziness of being human, there’s always Dr.Laura who knows all.

For me, it’s a comfort to recognize we’re all nuts.

Stress, Love, and Las Vegas, Episode Three

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Dateline: Palacio Del Rio International Branch Headquarters in San Antonio, Texas. I once had breakfast here with Jerry Seinfeld. Okay, he was in this restaurant at the same time I was.

In order to understand the plight of Mr.and Mrs.Travis, it is necessary to read Episode One and Episode Two.

As we return to the couple, life has been good through the spring and summer. There were times when Mr. Travis seemed a bit distracted, but not often. Starting at the beginning of the summer, Mr. Travis changed a few of his habits. He stayed up until after Mrs. Travis was in bed. His interest in family activities dropped off and he now often talked on his cell phone in the garage.

Mid-October Mr. Travis mentioned that he’d gone over his company expense account daily allowances and he needed $300.00 by tomorrow. Mrs. Travis felt a flutter, but having no proof that he was betting again, she decided a good wife would trust her husband and said nothing.

When he came up with a second reason for taking out a cash advance on the credit card, Mrs. Travis asked him if he was back with the bookie. He answered with a question,”What kind of a person are you?” And Mrs. Travis went blind and crossed her fingers.

Apparently crossing your fingers isn’t the same as having the courage to talk about reality, as being a “self”. By November Mr. Travis was openly hostile most of the time. His weekends were spent watching the scores ticker on ESPN.

Sometimes though he was happy and making plans for family vacations in the summer. Disneyworld and Yellowstone he promised the kids.

By December, Mr. Travis had decided that his wife was a controlling nag. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed how she tried to run his life. The women at his office treated him nicely. His evening drinking picked up and he started early on weekends.

When Mrs. Travis tried to use her credit card on Christmas presents she learned that both cards were consideralby over the limit.

The fight that night ended with Mr. Travis saying he wanted a separation, and leaving the house. This terrified Mrs. Travis. Her brother-in-law and sister had a “separation” and were now in an ugly divorce.

The next morning, Mrs. Travis apologized and asked what she could do to make things better. Mr. Travis admitted how much he enjoyed betting on sports, that, if fact, that was the only time he felt “alive.” He assured her that he’d come out a winner by the end of the season.

Mr. Travis suggested that Mrs. Travis, instead of acting like his mother, join him in the fun. This would improve their distant marriage. When she refused Mr. Travis yelled, “Okay, then. The bankrupcy in this family will be your fault! I have some sure winners this weekend that will make me more than even.

That weekend, Mrs. Travis called the bookie for Mr. Travis who didn’t want to speak to him because he was so far in debt to him.

When recalling that weekend she said, “I was standing in a phone booth because my husband said because if certain people recognized the home number bad things would happen. I stared out at the street thinking, ‘How did this happen? When did I quit being a person? Quit being myself?’ ”

Next: Episode Three, Stress. What’s Love Got to Do With It?  Don’t despair. There is a happy ending.

 

 

 

 

On a High, Part Two of Love, Money, and Stress

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Dateline: Main Location, Austin, Texas. Suzi and Sammie Davis, Jr. at the ready.
To accurately keep up with these wild hearts in Vegas, read Episode One first.

Set-up. Fusion…When one person is so merged with another person that he or she cannot make decisions or moves if these moves or decisions might their partner anxious. Usually, along with experiencing great anxiety when the other is displeased, we are afraid that if we continue in our path the relationship will change, or fall apart completely.

Remember, no judgment as we return to Mr. and Mrs.Travis in Las Vegas. When we slip into being judgmental, we see the other’s anxious behavior as unusual and foreign. This keeps us from exploring our own inability to tolerate anxiety or our inability to approach an anxious other person without sliding into a one-up or over-helping stance. Which accelerates anxiety in the other which boost anxiety in you and here we go.

…Mr. Travis, while at a convention in Las Vegas made and won two sports bets. He felt, alive and vibrant, the way he had felt when he first fell in love. Wow. Who wouldn’t like that?

Mr. Travis talked a lot about Vegas and complained less and worried less about his children and his wife. He wanted to return to Las Vegas desperately as the feeling began to fade. A trip not paid for on an expense account was out of the question. Then, in the last month of the football season, a friend turned him on to a bookie.

The first several weeks were fun for the whole family. Mr. Travis was betting five dollars a game and rarely lost much, twenty-five dollars on a bad day. As the game ended on Superbowl Sunday, Mr. Travis asked to speak with Mrs. Travis alone. They went for a drive. Mr. Travis confessed he’d been betting twenty-five and fifty dollars a game and he was down $1700.00. which he had two days to get together. Instant cash was pretty tough for the teacher’s salary, five person family. By taking the maximun cash from both of their low limit credit cards the bookie was paid.

Mrs. Travis was angry and hurt but kept her emotions to herself because if she expressed displeasure or pointed out lies, Mr. Travis shouted and asked what kind of a person was she? If she loved him, she should realize that he was already hurting and what he needed was comfort, not criticism.

Besides, Mr. Travis said losing the money was actually a good thing because he’d learned his lesson and was through gambling gambling forever. Mrs. Travis was relieved hear the news.

When statements came in for December on both credit cards, Mrs. Travis noticed several cash payouts during the last month. The couple, as far as she knew, had never taken a cash payout with a credit card since the interest rate is enormous. Hurt and angry again, Mrs. Travis decided to pretend she hadn’t noticed the cash withdrawals. After all, Mr. Travis’s gambling was in the past and he was making an effort in the family.

Keep the peace. That’s a wife and mother’s job. No matter what. And, afterall, things were going so well. It takes two…

Next: Episode Three, Swan Dive Off the Ledge.

 

Love and Stress in Las Vegas, A Soap Opera in Four Parts

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Dateline:  Las Vegas Hilton Branch Office and Showgirl Headquarters, no one under six foot need apply. Which is the only thing holding me back from making money on my looks and high kick skills and why I am sequestered in the furthest booth in the Grand Buffet Hall. Yep, that’s me. The be-speckled blond chick in the over-stuffed cargo shorts behind the computer and the foot-high pile of shrimp shells.

Have you ever gotten high? …because someone gave you a compliment?

Have you ever given up a dream? … because someone else thought it was a dumb idea?

Have you ever said you enjoyed an activity? …to keep someone interested?

Have you ever been unable to stop a self-destructive habit? …and paid a terrible price?

Have you ever been unable to stand up to a person you cared about caught in an addiction? …and ended up in trouble yourself?

The following story is true and related with permission of the patient, Mrs. Travis. Names and details have been changed to protect her identity.

Fusion vs. Self: When decisions are made, not out of one’s best thinking, but to save a relationship or to keep a partner happy. Fusion is natural and is part of all close relationships. The problem comes in when a person with a shaky SELF matches up with a person and goes along out of fear to stand alone. The problem comes in when a person with an equally shaky SELF uses fear and threatening behavior to convince the other not to disagree with decisions when the decisions would be obviously absurd to someone outside the relationship.

Mrs. Travis called for an appointment in January with some questions regarding dealing with her three young children when she packed them up and left their father.She explained that she still loved her husband. Their marriage had been great until two years ago when it fell apart in a hurry.

The Inciting (exciting) Incident. All Self Doubts and Anxieties Are Gone

Stress Management Goes Wrong

Two years ago, the couple had gone to a conference in Las Vegas. Mr. Travis, whose only experience with gambling had been years ago when he was stationed in Malasia with the Navy. When he thought about those free and easy days being young and single and successful in dice games, he had a rush of good feelings.

An avid fan of professional football, Mr. Travis was pleased that he could bet on teams combining his remembered good times with sports. As he was knew alot about the National Football League, he thought he knew more than your average bettors.

He made two bets and won them both. He felt the problems of parenthood, marriage and career slip away. Mr. Travis felt better than he had in a very long time.

Episode Two: All I Want Is To Feel the Way I Felt When I Was First in Love